Month: October 2017

It’s a sad day

I woke up in tears today.  i think I have been too strong for too long.  I can’t even deal with today.  Not that anything is different.  Ruby is alright.  Everyone is happy in my pack except for me.  It’s a lot of things that have hit me all at once and I usually do not show my weakness.  Ruby and I are very much alike.

Six weeks Post Op just terrible

Ruby is in a dire situation now.  I do not believe she is going to survive this.  I meet with Dr. F tomorrow at 3pm.  ONLY for a consultation.  I asked for guidance.  I found a new lump on her back, in between her shoulder blades.  It hurts her, she cries when I even touch it.  It is hard and about the size of a nickle maybe.  It is not like that angry giant mass growing on her belly, but wow.  This is all really scary.

I’m angry.  I am seeking legal advice.  What do you do in a situation like we have been thrown into and what the hell just happened?  I feel lost.  I’m not even crying yet.  (last night I did, but that was because I was on the verge of euthanizing her)  I’m just mad.  I originally asked about her being put down when this all first started at Dr. T clinic two months ago.  Why has this just kept repeating itself… over and over?  to where they offer to fix it for nothing.  I have never heard of that in my life.   When it sounds too good to be true, it usually is too good to be true.

I have thought so long and hard.  I believe Ruby needs to just be a dog.  No more surgeries, live large for the moment.  Go for a walk and just be the “four haunted dogs” again.  She deserves to just live.

 

my my my ruby

What a night we had tonight.  I feel numb.  This broken record that we can’t escape from.  deja vu.  Another Vet visit to the hospital in the middle of the night, more tests, same readings as before.  We have done this now… 3 times, just like this.  Twice now I have almost euthanized my sweet, strong, beautiful Ruby.  Each time she knocks at death’s door, an intervention occurs and people keep helping her to fight on.  I really almost killed my best friend tonight.  I thought we can’t keep doing this.  $$$$  don’t have it anymore.  I even offered to donate or give her to the clinics for saving her, if that is the offer.  I couldn’t even say the words when I went back in with her as I looked at the Secretary and whispered, we are just going to put her down tonight.  I started crying on the spot and I thought I was so strong… this night… those other nights… what are we doing this for?  Is she meant to live?  Made to suffer?  What is going on though?  Is it groundhog day?  The Vet is taking her back now “for a few weeks to get her thru this completely”.  She thinks it puts too much stress on me, was mentioned.   I also fear now that what if Ruby dies while at the Vets?  wth was all this for?  Is it necessary?  When does one stop?  When they run out of money?  Is that even fair?  What about all the times I tried to stop and someone said they would help.  I wouldn’t wish this on any dog or human.   I’m so confused.