What a night we had tonight. I feel numb. This broken record that we can’t escape from. deja vu. Another Vet visit to the hospital in the middle of the night, more tests, same readings as before. We have done this now… 3 times, just like this. Twice now I have almost euthanized my sweet, strong, beautiful Ruby. Each time she knocks at death’s door, an intervention occurs and people keep helping her to fight on. I really almost killed my best friend tonight. I thought we can’t keep doing this. $$$$ don’t have it anymore. I even offered to donate or give her to the clinics for saving her, if that is the offer. I couldn’t even say the words when I went back in with her as I looked at the Secretary and whispered, we are just going to put her down tonight. I started crying on the spot and I thought I was so strong… this night… those other nights… what are we doing this for? Is she meant to live? Made to suffer? What is going on though? Is it groundhog day? The Vet is taking her back now “for a few weeks to get her thru this completely”. She thinks it puts too much stress on me, was mentioned. I also fear now that what if Ruby dies while at the Vets? wth was all this for? Is it necessary? When does one stop? When they run out of money? Is that even fair? What about all the times I tried to stop and someone said they would help. I wouldn’t wish this on any dog or human. I’m so confused.
